Growing but not yet grown

I turned the big 1 score and 11 years old on Tuesday.

Crazy, right? Well, maybe not for you since I’m not totally sure how old you are…but for me. For me, it is crazy.

31 doesn’t seem like a big deal, but for some reason, I couldn’t help but feel off on the day.

Maybe it was the fact that it was a Tuesday and my 30th birthday was spent doing something so incredible.

Whatever the reason, it took me a few days of introspection before I was ready to write anything. Needed to know what direction to take and my compass was all askew, but I have since skewed it and am ready to do some reflection up in here.

Stacey is great with Birthdays. She loves them, not just hers. She loves to celebrate the people she cares about and their birthday is pretty much the #1 day to do that.

She had two cards for me even. One at midnight and the other in the morning.

Also, yes those are two knit versions of our cats…yeah, I know.

Who does that?

Bottom line, Stacey is excellent at birthdays. She understands how important they are and goes out of her way to make them special.

So, she planned a really nice evening for me. Turkish food at ZiZi’s cafe and video games at Replay. (Tuesdays are $5 drinks and free games…I crushed at NFL BLITZ)

It was nice. I enjoyed every moment of it. But in the back of my mind was this idea of purpose. The week prior, we’d spent the afternoon at an offsite event for work. The speaker we had come talked about purpose.

First, let me say that it was a great presentation.

It also tore at me deeply and sent me down a rabbit hole searching for my purpose. Trouble was, no matter how hard I looked, I wasn’t able to find it.

So, with the looming anniversary of my birth and with one more step closer to the grave, I started to panic.

Why am I here? Am I doing what I am supposed to be doing? Did I make a wrong turn?

All these thoughts were racing through my brain since last week Wednesday. So Tuesday’s birthday was particularly great.

I mean, it was…but you dig what I’m getting at right?


I took the picture above to post a fly grammie about getting older, and while I’d like to say that I had an epiphany after looking at it…I didn’t.

Even today I have no idea what my purpose is…but I’m giving myself time to figure it out.

While I’m growing I’m not yet grown. I’m not a finished product and I have to be ok with that. I have to put in the time and keep doing things until I figure it out.

Don’t trap yourself into thinking that getting older means you’re running out of time.

Soooo I guess in the way the sign was right. Thanks, neon sign in a video game bar!





Camp Diary

toddagarcia View All →

I’m an acting/improvising optimizing son of a gun.

I’ve been living and working and performing in Chicago since 2005. I love to eat, travel, talk and make people laugh. So for me this blog stuff is pretty neat.

I also like you. Whoever you are. I like you. For coming to my blog and sharing in my thoughts. I appreciate you. And I think you’re hot. So here’s to you, readers of my blog. Thanks for being awesome. Share and share a like!

Follow me on Twitter @toddawatomi and listen to my podcast with my besticle Ethan at!

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