Sunday, 3 minutes to 9pm.
Batman and Stacey are laying down watching X-Men, which we realized tonight came out 16 years ago. Batman wasn’t even born then, he was just a twinkle in his mama’s eye. Lester was more of a steady and heavy pulse of light…but still very much not born yet.
Lester is to my left looking out the open window. Not entirely sure if he’s looking at anything in particular or if he just likes to make me uneasy by staring into the darkness.
Given that Lester is a cat, I am leaning towards the latter.
Stax and I are just back from a weekend away with some of our friends. It was a grand old time. We celebrate the birth of one of my nearest and dearests who shall remain nameless at this time.
(I’ll give you a hint, her name starts with a “J” and rhymes with Chai. Also, her name is Jai)
We were in Michigan for the weekend in a place just outside of Fennville. It was, as Abraham Lincoln was known to say, “Just a bunch of bros getting cranked all night”.
The weekend culminated in a bunch of hungover adults in their late 20’s and early 30’s driving into St. Joe where we met up with our friends the Peats. They are currently 3 Peats but they have one baking at the moment and the fourth will join us later this year.
As we sat eating pizza, wearing sunglasses indoors, and attempting to make ourselves feel completely human again something strange happened to me.
I fell in love. Her name is Vi. She’s a little younger than Stax but she is very mature for her age. She’s interested in Monkeys and french fries and generally anything that is new (which at her age is most things).
Here’s a picture of us hitting it off.
Now, I’ve always loved Vi. From the moment the Peats introduced her into this world and to all of us I did. I was so happy to get to be her Drunkle Todd (Not my nickname but better than some of the other ones they were tossing around) but today something clicked.
I love Vi, of course, but I think I finally love the idea of having a kid of my own. Yeah…one of those things. A real human child that has my genes in it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friend’s kids. They are spectacular and I’m certain that the genes they possess are of a high quality and they will make for strong and useful adults.
But I want one of my own. I’m ready, I think we both are. I mean, to be honest, it doesn’t really matter what I want since I have to do very little of the work until the wee one is fully cooked. So Stax really has all the power of decision, I can just weigh in and provide my…piece.
We’ve talked about it. Stax wants kids, I want kids but we’re terrified of the idea of actually having them. I mean, the responsibility of having a child is beyond anything I can comprehend. “Lots of work” should be the title and content of the shortest and most accurate baby book out there. This is coming from my experience with kids that I get to give back at the end of my babysitting duties, so I can’t imagine what it’ll be like when it actually lives with me.
Honestly, I’m not sure we’re ready for another roommate, especially one who can barely walk, pukes and shits everywhere and doesn’t pay any rent.
But the most frightening thing of all is I have no idea if I’m going to be a good dad. I want to be and I think I have it in me, I just don’t know if I will be. It freaks me out knowing that I’m responsible for the formative years of someone’s life when I am certain that 50% of my cats hate me.
Should that stop me from having one? No. Will it stop me from having one? No. And here’s why.
It takes a village.
My kid(s) will be the sum of all the parts of my life. Stax, our families, and our friends. They will all contribute to my kids’ life in a way that will balance and enrich them and give me the support I’ll need to be the best father possible.
So, eventually (Not yet everyone so don’t go blowing up Stacey’s phone) we’ll have a kid. Sooner than later. Becuase we’re ready, or as ready as we’ll ever be and really that’s all you can expect.
Having a kid is another part of the beautiful story that is life. Just turn the page and find out what’s next, the ending is off in the distance and if you jump ahead you’ll miss out on something important.
Now, I just need to figure out where babies come from.